Category Archives: Vampire Assembly Line


Vampire Assembly Line Part Six

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five

Oops. I probably shouldn’t have counted. The vampire bit down into Elaine’s neck faster than I expected and obviously I didn’t stop it in time. Like I said, though, the virus takes forever to affect a human so don’t get all bent out of shape just yet. The issue that I was facing now was that if I tried to bury the axe in the vampire’s skull it would take a lot of effort and pain to pry the dead vampire off of her. So, I waited while the vampire sucked her blood.

“What are you doing?!” John screamed. “Help her!”

“I will,” I retorted.


“Shut up!” I kicked John in the back of the knee, just enough to bring him to the ground and distract the vampire from biting down on Elaine. The moment it let its bite off of her I swung my axe and it fell to the floor, ending the vampire pack for good. Well, at least in this town.

I walked up to Elaine and held out my hand. She grabbed it and I pulled her up.

“I feel weak,” she moaned.

“That’s because the vampire drained a good amount of blood from you.”

“Oh no…”

“Don’t worry.” I started heading back out to my bike.

“Where are you going?” John asked.

“Just stay here and make sure no one turns.”

I left the building, found my way back to my motorcycle, grabbed my bag and headed back into the building.

“What’s your…” John started. I brought my axe right up to his face.

“Say one more word,” I taunted him. Needless to say he shut up.

I brought my bag over to the conveyor belt that all of the missing people were lying on and opened it up. As I pulled out the three syringes John’s faced turned pure white and that made me smile.

“What are you going to do with that?” he whined. I didn’t answer him because it freaked him out. I took a lot of pleasure in that.

I wrapped the large rubber band I had around my arm and then stuck the needled in my arm. As I started to draw my blood I could have swore that John started to shake. I filled up all three of them. What are they for? Do you have any patience at all? I’m getting there. Thanks for the “perfect” segue.

I tossed one of them to John and he almost dropped it. I would have killed him. Seriously.

“Inject them with it,” I told him.

“Why?” he asked.

“Really? It will cure them.” That’s right, if a person infected by a monster virus is in transition my blood will completely cure them—another benefit of being a paladin.

“What do I do?”

“You’re killing me dude. Just stick it in their arms and push the little thing at the top there. Don’t give them too much though.”

“What? Why? Will it kill them?”

“Yes.” It didn’t. If I thought he might kill them do you really think I would have given him one of the syringes? I just didn’t feel like drawing any more of my blood.

I walked over to Elaine and held her in my arms. She was so pretty. That’s one of the things I hated about never having a normal life. I could never get close to anyone. I took one of the syringes and injected it into her arm. Within seconds the paleness started to fade and the color was slowly returning.

“Feeling better?” I asked her.

“Yeah,” she answered.

“I’ll come back to you.” I had to cure everyone else. John hadn’t even done one yet.

After everyone was cured I had to burn all of the bodies before they started to smell. As I started to pile them up in the middle of the warehouse I thought about the fact that a lot of people had seen the vampires and me. This did tend to happen from time to time given the fact that monsters sometimes attack in crowds. Yet I have not been arrested and no one had come after me. Why do you ask? One of the other abilities I had was making people forget. Convenient, I know.

I had to burn the warehouse with the vampires as well because there was blood everywhere. I couldn’t leave any evidence behind. After everyone was out of the building and it was covered in gasoline I threw the match and watched it light up. Everyone else just stood and watched it with me, dazed and confused. I decided to take that opportunity to erase parts of their memories. Elaine walked up to me.

“I guess I should thank you for saving us,” she said.

“You don’t have to,” I told her.

“I want to.” She came up to me and gave me a kiss. Now this was one of the perks of my job, saving the damsel in distress and getting a kiss.

“Thank you,” she said as she pulled away.

“No problem.”

“Who are you?”

I thought about for a moment. “Nobody.”

I clapped my hands together and there was a bright light. Everyone looked even more confused than before. I went back over to my bike and climbed on. I had forgotten to erase everyone’s memory back at the diner but luckily they were all still in there, too afraid to go outside. My power was accurate enough to erase whatever memory I wanted so no one would forget about the kidnappings.

After my job was done I went back out onto the open road, heading out to find the next monster to hunt. When Drake saved me he had told me that we were the only paladins left, which meant I was the last one. I said to you in the beginning that I didn’t know why I got myself into awful situations but I do know. I am the last of my kind and the only one who can protect the world from these monsters. I do this because it is my responsibility, my birthright. It wasn’t something that I chose for my life but it was what I had to do, because I’m Wes Parker: Monster Hunter.

Vampire Assembly Line: Part Six

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Posted by on October 7, 2013 in Vampire Assembly Line


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Vampire Assembly Line Part Five

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Six

I couldn’t believe it. Vampires might turn a person here or there but they never turned this many people at once. There were already enough vampires in this pack, more than I’ve ever seen, so why were they making more? Luckily enough the people didn’t seem to be too far-gone yet. The virus takes forever to take over.

They weren’t doing anything but just standing over everyone, just staring at them. Vampires are so creepy. Well, there were a couple vampires that were holding John and Elaine down. They were both putting up quite a fight, but they didn’t stand a chance. It was only a matter of time before they would start biting them.

“Let us go,” Elaine begged them. She was wasting her breath. It wasn’t because they couldn’t understand her but that they just were going to eat or turn her anyway.

“Please,” John whined. What a wimp.

I needed to get down there fast, but I needed to think it through because I couldn’t just go up against 15 vampires and expect to get out of it with everyone alive. Oh wait, yes I could.

“Hey!” I yelled. Everyone turned their heads and looked up at me. “Let them go or else.” It was a pointless warning and I knew that it would be.

The vampires started flying up towards me. With my axes stretched out far I spun as I flew through the air and took two of them down before my feet even touched the ground. There was nothing more satisfying than beheading a vampire.

There were two down but there were still 13 of them, which meant I had my work cut out for me. I lived for adventure, though.

At once they all converged on me like a swarm of bees and tried to bite me. Now, I won’t lie to you and say that I killed them all with ease and none of them bit me. I will also not lie and say it didn’t hurt. There were 13 of them—give me a break here. I don’t think I had ever gone up against that many at once before.

After 17 bites I knocked them away and as they all came at me again I did a flip over them and cut two more of them down. Eleven to go. Two more of them caught on really quick so I took out the first one and then roundhouse kicked the other across the room into some wooden crates.

One by one they came at me, and one by one I took care of them. Every once in a while I shot one out of the air but that would ultimately only slow them down. Yes, even with a .50 caliber Desert Eagle it would only slow them down. So you can imagine how ineffective anything less would be.

Skipping ahead—you didn’t really want to hear how I killed all of them, did you? OK, I’ll give you the short version. They all lost their heads by the blade of my axes, satisfied? It came down to just one of them and they held Elaine in their grasp.

“Don’t do it,” I warned it.

It just simply hissed at me.

“Please,” Elaine begged through her tears.

“Don’t worry,” I told her. “I’m going to get you out of this, alive.”


“I know you understand me,” I continued to talk to the vampire. “If you let her go I won’t kill you like I did all of your friends.”

It hissed again. Elaine jumped.

“I’m going to give you to the count of three,” I warned. “One.”

It pulled Elaine in closer.


“Don’t,” Elaine scream as the vampire reeled its head back and let out a horrific roar.


Vampire Assembly Line: Part Five

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Posted by on October 4, 2013 in Vampire Assembly Line


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Vampire Assembly Line Part Four

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part FivePart Six

The warehouse looked completely deserted. That is always how a vampire nest looks; otherwise they would be caught a lot more often. It was a brick building and had to be at least 100 years old. I climbed off my bike and geared up. I put my belt on, which held my Desert Eagles, and grabbed my trusty axes. The moment my fingers touched them I felt more comfortable.

I stalked forward toward the “empty” building and I knew they were here. No, not because I can feel them. I already told you I can’t pinpoint their exact location. The smell is what gave them away. It was like a cross between wet dog and cow manure. It took everything I had to not throw up right then and there.

There was a soft noise and I stopped dead in my tracks. Whatever it was it came from inside the building, somewhere far off in the distance. There was definitely someone or something here. As I took another step something leapt out from the shadows and tackled me to the ground, causing me to drop my axes. The vampire hissed at me and tried desperately to bite down on my neck. I put my hands up just in time and held it back. After a few seconds of “struggling” I threw the hideous monster and watched as it slammed into a tree, taking some bark with it.

I rolled onto my knees and picked up my axes. The vampire came at me again but I spun around and chopped its head right off. It fell to the ground and it didn’t get back up, for obvious reasons. Like I told you, a quick chop to the head and it was done. I would have to come back to burn the body later. It wasn’t that they could come back to life but the inevitable smell would draw a lot more unwanted attention–more than this town already had.

Tip toeing my way around to avoid giving myself away, I made my way around the building trying to find a good way to enter. The front door was shut and if I tried to open it there was no doubt in my mind that it would make a horrendous amount of noise. Luckily enough I found an open window, but I couldn’t quite go in there yet because there was a noise off in the woods nearby. I knew that it was them drawing me in but I had to play into their trap.

The woods weren’t very thick so if it wasn’t for the dark I’m sure I would have been able to see them, but remember what I told you–they are great hunters. Before I could even take two steps past the first tree they jumped down, one in front of me and the other behind. And that is where we began. Where did we leave off anyway? Oh yeah, right, the vampire leapt at me and I lifted my axe to kill it but it was too late…

I bet you thought I was going to leave you hanging here again, didn’t you? Well, I’m not, so calm down. As I went to raise my axe the vampire was too fast and tackled me. It was quicker still when it bit me in the neck. Don’t worry, I am completely immune to any monster.

Pushing with very little effort, I hoisted the creature in the air, rolled on the ground and swung my axe, taking another head. The other two tried to jump in but as fast and as strong as they were, they couldn’t compare to my power or my training. Twenty seconds later they were both dead.

Now that I had their trap, and probably distraction as well, taken care of I went back to the building. The window was still open so I climbed through and started to work my way around the warehouse. I knew that if kept venturing around the first floor I was sure to trigger something I didn’t want to so I ascended the stairs up into the second floor.

I heard the noise I had heard earlier when I was outside coming from down the hallway. It was some sort of cry or whimper. I slowly walked forward with my axes ready by my side. The next room was large and there were huge, metal tubs that were empty.

Now I have been hunting for a long time and I have gone up against a lot of vampires. There is always a pattern and that is they capture someone, eat them, then a week later they grab another person, and then they would move on. I knew when I was heading down to this awful town that there was more but I couldn’t understand why there were so many of them.

As I looked down at about 15 vampires I saw all of the missing people and they were still alive. They were turning them…

Vampire Assembly Line: Part Four

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Posted by on October 2, 2013 in Vampire Assembly Line


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Vampire Assembly Line Part Three

Part One, Part Two, Part FourPart FivePart Six

As I watched the fist slowly come towards my face I thought about the choices I had. I could stop him and put him in his place, which I really wanted to do, but that might scare Elaine and I really didn’t want to do that. Or I could let it hit me and maybe she might show me some sympathy. Sometimes you just have to take one for the cause.

His fist hit me square in the nose and I had to admit that it stung a little bit, like if a baby accidentally hit you. At least that is what I imagined a baby hit would feel like.

I had become very good at acting—it’s part of the job—so I jerked my head back and fell to the ground. My entire body burned with rage but I held it back because I was afraid that I might kill him. The three guys with him cheered.

“John, you’re such a jerk,” Elaine yelled. She pushed him back and he put his hands up.

“He asked for it,” he told her. I kind of did.

“Just go.”

“Not yet. I want to see what’s in this jerk’s bike.” He walked over to my bike and I started to panic. All my weapons were in it.

“Hey,” came a voice. It was a police officer—not good. “What’s going on here?”

“Nothing,” John lied.

“Yeah. Get out of here now.”

“Right away.” John took one last look at me and left. The cop walked up to me and stuck his hand out. I accepted it as he helped me up.

“You alright son?” he asked me.

“Yeah,” I replied.

He looked back at my bike and then to me again. His face showed doubt. “Who are you?”

“I’m just passing through.”

“Mind if I take a look in your bag?”

I felt a surge of panic again, but I was saved by the bell.

“Chief?” came a voice over the radio.

The Chief picked up his radio. “Yeah.”

“Old man Johnson is shooting mice again.”

The Chief let out a long and exasperated sigh. “OK.” He put his radio away and looked at Elaine. “Get home soon. It’s almost curfew.”

“OK,” said Elaine.

He looked at me again one last time and then climbed back into his car. The dust kicked up as he drove away.

“Are you OK?” Elaine asked me.

“Yeah,” I assured her.

“I should get going.”

“You hungry?”

She looked at me, surprised.

“It was a long drive and I could use the company,” I begged.

“I don’t know,” she said.

“It’s on me.”

She was reluctant but eventually agreed. We headed over to a diner that was relatively quiet, but it was a small town and the Chief did mention a curfew. People were obviously scared about the disappearances. I ordered a nice hearty steak and enjoyed every bite. It may be a disheveled town but the food sure was amazing. Each piece was better than the previous.

Elaine told me how John was a troublemaker and didn’t really make too many friends, and that Chief Jackson was a good guy. I didn’t really blame him for not trusting me. I wouldn’t trust me either.

“So what happened to Penny?” I asked her. “Maybe I can help.”

She still didn’t really want to help me. I could see it in her eyes.

“I can help,” I assured her.

“You won’t believe me,” she promised.

“Try me.”

Her eyes were darting back and forth until they finally settled on mine.

“We went out to the warehouse,” she started. “It’s supposed to be abandoned but there are stories of it being haunted. Right when we walked in we were attacked, by…”

“Go on,” I said.

“By vampires.”

I nodded my head and kind of wished she didn’t confirm what I already knew.

“You don’t look surprised,” she noticed.

I shook my head. “Unfortunately, no.”

That is when we heard John outside.

“Hey!” he yelled. “Get out here.”

“I have to go out there,” I said. “It’s getting dark.” It was getting dark. It would only be a matter of time before the vampires went out hunting. Especially since their last hunt was two days ago. That isn’t usually odd but with the way these ones have been hunting it was.

“You don’t think they’ll come out here?” she asked.

“Your friend isn’t the only one missing,” I pointed out to her.

I stood up and walked outside to meet the jerk that was making a whole bunch of noise. He might as well have had a flare and megaphone in his hands. As he saw me coming a smile stretched its way across his face.

“Come on,” he said.

“You need to shut up,” I warned him. “Get inside.”

Elaine had come outside and was right behind me.

“Don’t tell me what to do.” He started for me and got right in my face. “Let’s finish this.”

Just like that a flying vampire snatched him up. Oh yeah, they have wings and can fly. John yelled and Elaine screamed. I started to chase after him and immediately regretted it, because another one came and took Elaine.

I watched as the vampires flew away with two new victims, which was odd for them because they would only need one. That meant that the nest is bigger than I thought it was. Even still, though, they don’t usually take more than one person to eat.

I felt stupid because I didn’t find out where the warehouse was and the vampires were gone within a matter of seconds. It was odd that they just ignored me because you can bet that they knew what I was when they saw me. I looked back into the diner and noticed that everyone had saw and was looking at me. I darted back in.

“Where’s the old haunted warehouse?” I asked openly.

Everyone just stared at me like I was crazy.

“If I don’t get there quick those two and anyone else those monsters have kidnapped are going to die,” I warned. “Assuming they are not dead already.” Most of them were.

The girl standing behind the counter stepped forward.

“It’s north,” she said. “Just head up Main Street for about five miles and you’ll see it.”

I had already wasted enough time so I ran out the door and climbed on my bike. Leaving just as much dust as the Chief left I was on my way to the factory. I just hoped I wasn’t too late…

Vampire Assembly Line: Part Three

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Posted by on September 30, 2013 in Vampire Assembly Line


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Vampire Assembly Line Part Two

Part One, Part Three, Part FourPart FivePart Six

I suppose before I tell you about how I was eaten alive maybe I should explain how I got into this mess. To do that though I’m going to go a little further back. My name is Wes Parker and I am 17 years old. I’m young, I know, but I’ve been doing this since I was 11 so I’m used to it.

My parents were killed by werewolves. As you can imagine I have a strong hatred toward them. I’m sure you wondered how I could go up against these monsters, it’s because I am one of them. I don’t eat people or anything but I can certainly hold my own. I’m what’s called a paladin. I am strong, fast and my senses are heightened like crazy. I started to feel it all take effect a couple weeks before the werewolves attacked us.

Ever since there have been monsters, there have been paladins. We fight against them and protect the world from things you could never imagine. When my parents were murdered, a paladin named Drake saved me and told me about everything. He taught me how to fight and gave me my weapons. I spent three years with him. He told me that typically a paladin has parents that are also paladins, but mine weren’t. That surprised him. Then just like my parents he was killed, but by ghouls—you’ll find out what they are eventually—and I barely made it out alive. I’ve been on my own ever since.

I travel the country back and forth, hunting these awful creatures and saving your behind almost every night. I scour the Internet and papers, tabloids mostly, and investigate weird murders and disappearances, but really we are drawn to each other. I can sense them and they know when I am near, and when a paladin comes into their power it’s like a two-ton magnet. That is why the werewolves came after us.

Anyway, enough back-story. I was somewhere in South Dakota and had just got done clearing a town full of harpies and I caught wind of a string of disappearances in Indiana. Normally that may seem like any other day for me but there were five people in less than two weeks. That meant there was a large nest and I needed to get down there fast.

I hopped onto my motorcycle and let the tire spin out as I moved forward. Ten minutes into the drive the gaslight went off. I pulled into a station. I guess I should tell you how I get around all over the place if I don’t have a job. Drake had given me a credit card when I met him and told me not to worry about using it, so I don’t. Every time I slide the card it goes through and no one ever asks any questions. I can always pull out cash too so I pretty much have unlimited funds. After the tank was full it was back to the road, heading to the vampires in Indiana.

When I got to the town I didn’t bother looking at the sign, because I could feel that I was in the right spot. The only problem with being able to sense them was that it wasn’t an exact science. I knew they were around but I couldn’t pinpoint exactly where they were, which meant I was going to have to ask around. I’m 17 so most people don’t take me too seriously, and that made it harder for me to get the answer. I couldn’t pretend to be an agent or anything, not yet at least.

The town was an absolute dump but that was an ongoing theme with all of the monsters that I hunted. I didn’t mind. I was used to it. There were rundown buildings and cracks all over the sidewalks. I needed to find someone close to one of the missing people so I could track down where they could be. I took out my phone and looked at the pictures of the people again. That’s when I noticed a girl walking around posting flyers. I walked up her.

The poster was of one of the missing persons.

“Who’s that?” I asked.

She looked at me for a second. I had short dark hair, a scruffy face and wore a leather jacket. I probably didn’t look very inviting. She was short with jet-black hair and looked no older than 16. She was pretty.

“You’re not from around here,” she pointed out.

“Just visiting,” I confirmed. I put out my hand. “Wes.” She did the same and we shook.

“Elaine. This is Penny, my best friend.”

“What happened to her?”

She looked like she was going to cry. “We were attacked.”

“By who?”

“I don’t know. We were outside of town at the old warehouse. Seniors dared us to go out there and if we didn’t do it we would be ridiculed.”

“Why would you need to be dared?”

“No one goes out there,” she told me. “It’s haunted.”

“So what happened?” I asked her.

“I…never mind.” She didn’t trust me.

Just then a car pulled up and four guys jumped out.

“This guy bothering you?” one of them asked Elaine. He was tall and looked like someone who deserved a punch in the face.

“Go away John,” she replied.

“What do you want?” he asked me.

“We’re just talking,” I reasoned.

“Not anymore. Go.”

“We’re not done.”

“You can go away or I can make you go away,” he threatened me.

Inside I was laughing so hard I that I had a very hard time holding back the smile on my face. So I didn’t.

“I’d like to see you try,” I egged him on. I wasn’t going to let this jerk strong-arm me. He had no idea who he was messing with.

He looked back and forth between his friends and they all laughed. That is when he whipped around and swung his fist at me…

Vampire Assembly Line: Part Two

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Posted by on September 27, 2013 in Vampire Assembly Line


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Vampire Assembly Line Part One

Part Two, Part Three, Part FourPart FivePart Six

I don’t know why I get myself into these awful situations. There was a vampire in front of me and a vampire behind me, both eager to feed on my blood. It was a full moon, the sky was clear and the night was cool—a perfect night for hunting. Now these weren’t your now-a-days vampires that you could date and were pretty and blah, blah, blah. These monsters wanted nothing but to drink my blood and were very, very ugly. I personally like myself the way I am so I was going to try and kill them first.

There are a lot of misconceptions about vampires, so let me go ahead and set the record straight; silver is no better than steel, holy water and a cross are no good unless you carve the cross into a steak. Stabbing it in the heart and cutting its head off will do the trick but then again, that will work on every other living creature in the world too. Sunlight is my favorite. Those things will light up so fast you would think they were covered in lighter fluid. Garlic will also hurt them, but it won’t kill them unless you get a lot of it in their bloodstream—and I mean a lot. There is one more that is extremely important. It might even save your life one day.

Let me paint a picture for you. You’re at home watching TV or whatever you normal people do, and you hear a noise outside. Like any horror movie you decide to go and investigate. Once you step out of the door you find a vampire in your front yard, eating your neighbor. The monster turns and looks right into your eyes. That’s when you remember that vampires can’t walk into a home unless it is invited, so you take a step back and you’re safe, right? Wrong. The vampire charges in and eats you. So what you do? Go into your kitchen and grab some window cleaner, it’s better than garlic. There’s some sort of ingredient in it that burns them like acid. If you don’t believe me, fine, let’s see what happens to you next time a vampire wanders into your home.

We were in the center of Indiana in some town in middle of the nowhere. I found them deep in the woods outside of a cave. Just kidding—about the woods and cave part, not Indiana. That would be ridiculous. I actually found them in an abandoned building just on the outskirts of town where no one ever visited—except adventurous kids. Vampires liked to nest in unpopulated areas just outside of populated areas, but they are never in the cities because they would be discovered.

I had my axes in my hands and my two Desert Eagles on my belt. There were other things I could use like a sword, maybe a shotgun, or even a two handed axe but honestly there is something that I liked about have dual axes. There were very sharp and I could wield them quickly. Plus they made me look like a badass. They did.

I was given the axes when I was much younger—actually I chose them but I was given a choice of a variety of different weapons. These ones really just spoke to me, so I took them. There was nothing really special about them except for the fact that they were so sharp that if you touched them they would cut your finger and they could never break. I loved them.

“Come on you disgusting freaks,” I taunted them. “Come on in real close so I can kill you.”

My hands gripped the axes tight, ready for the inevitable attack. One other thing I should mention to you is that vampires are very smart, very good hunters—years and years of instinct. They may have very limited speech and act like a monkey but it was all just a ruse. There was a vampire in front and behind me, so I should have known there was a third one somewhere. There always is.

“Oh crap,” I breathed.

The monster that was hiding came running up to me on my left and it was coming in fast. Sorry, another thing I should tell you is they are very fast. Have you ever seen a cheetah running at full speed? Well, multiply that by three and then you are halfway there. Plus, they were so strong that I once saw one pick up a car, honestly. Of course, I sliced its leg and watched the car crush it but that is neither here nor there.

The vampire jumped into the air and flew at me like a hawk, that is if hawks were human sized and liked to eat people. I lifted my right axe up to kill it but I was too late…

Vampire Assembly Line: Part One


Posted by on September 25, 2013 in Vampire Assembly Line


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