Category Archives: Hairy and the Vampires


Hairy and the Vampires Part Ten

Part OnePart Two, Part ThreePart FourPart FivePart SixPart SevenPart Eight, Part Nine

Roy and I were tossed around like a couple of ragdolls for what felt like forever. I was going to look like hell the next day, if I survived. Who am I kidding? We both know that I am going to survive or I wouldn’t be telling you all of this. But that doesn’t mean that Roy is going to live. Maybe you should just continue reading and you might find out.

One of the vampires grabbed me by the shoulders and bit into my neck, hard. I grunted in pain and did everything I could to pry the monster off of me. Both my guns and axes were on the ground somewhere because they knocked all of them out of my hands.

“It will give me great pleasure killing the last paladin,” said the werewolf. “Especially since it’s the one that killed my brother.” He added the last part with a growl that made my skin crawl.

“It looks like this vampire is doing all of the work for you, though,” I pointed out.

The werewolf pulled the vampire off of me and threw it aside. He then picked me up by my jacket and held me high in the air.

“Thank you,” I said.

“For what?” the werewolf asked. “I’m going to kill you.”

“For making that vampire angry.” I pointed to the one he just threw. It was not happy.

The vampire charged at the both of us and it was clear that it didn’t want me. The werewolf threw me down and prepared for the attack. The vampire tackled the werewolf right to the ground. All of a sudden, as if they were all mentally linked, the other vampires stopped what they were doing—attacking Roy—and helped the other one. Soon all four vampires were in a fight with the werewolf.

I carried myself over to Roy. The other three vampires had been attacking him instead of me. He was in very bad shape.

“Hey,” he said. He was bitten and scratched several times. It wasn’t looking too good for him.

“Hey,” I replied. “Don’t move. I’m going to come right back for you, okay?”

“Take your time.”


I walked over to my guns and picked them both up. Normally I like to go with my axes but this situation needed to be dealt with quickly. I headed back over to the vampires and werewolf and started shooting. Within seconds all of the vampires were dead and the werewolf was a complete mess.

“You tricked me!” he shouted.

“I did,” I replied.

“It doesn’t matter. You have stopped nothing. There are more of us.”

“I know. You still have another brother. Just to put your mind at ease, I’m going to find him and kill him, too.”

“You’ll be dead before you have the chance.”

“We’ll see. I’ve had enough of you.” Without even given him a chance to respond, I put him down for good.

When I got back to Roy I quickly pulled out a syringe and drew some blood from my arm. I then took that and injected it into Roy. My blood would help speed up his healing.

“I need to get you out of here,” I said.

“No hospital,” he said.

“I know.” He then passed out.

It was going to take him a long time to recover but he was going to make it, which meant that I just inherited a temporary partner. It could have been a lot worse. I could have been stuck with Mygle. And at least I killed another one of the werewolves that had killed my parents.

Let’s recap: I didn’t save any of the people that were abducted, got the crap kicked out of me and Roy is nearly dead. All in all I would say that it went terribly…

Hairy and the Vampires: Part Ten

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Posted by on May 19, 2014 in Hairy and the Vampires


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Hairy and the Vampires Part Nine

Part OnePart Two, Part ThreePart FourPart FivePart SixPart Seven, Part Eight, Part Ten

The transition process into a vampire isn’t quick so the people that were currently changing weren’t really going to be a problem yet. But there was nothing that I could do to save them at that point. It was extremely careless of me to overlook that when we were trapped in that room.

“You can’t even save those people,” the werewolf pointed out. “How can you expect to save yourself?”

“It’s the other way around,” I said.


“If I couldn’t save myself than you could assume that I wouldn’t have the ability to save others.”

The werewolf stared at me.

“If you are going to use clichés at least get them right,” I begged.

“Do you just do whatever you can to make them angrier?” Roy asked.

“Can’t help it.”

“I grow tired of your voice,” said the werewolf. “You will pay for killing my brother.”

“Technically I didn’t kill him.”


The werewolf leapt at me but I stepped out of the way. Roy did the same. The werewolf passed right by us and tackled the soon to be vampires. Then the rest of them all converged on us.

I’ll be honest I could spend a really long time telling you how that fight played out, so I’m going to shorten it for you. All of the monsters, save for the head werewolf and the ones who hadn’t changed yet, were dead and Roy was bitten, six times. He yelled a lot but he didn’t cry so I’ll give him that. Okay, fine. I was bitten twice as well. Nobody is perfect.

The werewolf looked around him at all of the dead monsters and just laughed. He actually laughed at the situation.

“What’s so funny?” I asked him outright.

“You think that you have actually accomplished anything?” he asked. “All of these monsters dead means nothing. There are so many more of us.”

“Why are you all gathering?”

“To take over the world.”

“I know that. Why now?”

“I’d like to say that you’ll find out but you honestly aren’t going to live long enough to learn.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, we outnumber you.”

The werewolf laughed even harder.

“You have either forgotten or are too stupid to know,” the werewolf said.

“Please, enlighten me,” I replied.

“Newborns are so much stronger.”

I honestly didn’t know that. Why didn’t I know that? Maybe the werewolf was lying to me. It was certainly something that he was capable of. I wasn’t sure though because I have oddly enough never run into a newborn vampire.

“Is that true?” Roy asked me.

“I don’t know,” I admitted.

“You’re about to find out,” the werewolf promised.

The people had turned into vampires a lot faster than I had expected and were heading towards us.

“Are we going to just stand here and wait for them?” Roy asked, rhetorically.

“I think you should hang back for a second,” I suggested.

“I don’t think so.”

Roy charged at the vampires and they knocked him aside like he was a fly. One of them leapt at me so quickly I barely had time to react. I jumped out of the way and went to chop it down with my axe, but it stopped me. Right after it twisted my arm it threw me with enough force to leave a huge dent in the wall. I think it was safe to say that we were screwed because these vampires were way stronger. It looks like Twilight did get something right. I can’t believe I just admitted that…

Hairy and the Vampires: Part Nine

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Posted by on May 16, 2014 in Hairy and the Vampires


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Hairy and the Vampires Part Eight

Part OnePart Two, Part ThreePart FourPart FivePart SixPart Seven, Part NinePart Ten

Roy was sliding the lock, ready to let the monsters in.

“Wait!” the guy who was previously complaining shouted.

“What?” Roy asked, aggravated. I’ll admit I jumped. Give me just a bit of slack if you will. The room was silent except for the noise of the vampires and werewolves that were trying to break in were making, Roy was about to open the door to let them in and then this guy shouts at the top of his lungs. I was a little on edge.

“There’s a vent right here.” The man pointed to the right of the room. There indeed was a vent. It was large enough to fit us one at a time, too.

“Well, how about that?” I said. “Let’s just hope they didn’t just hear you say that.”

“They’re making enough noise out there,” Roy whispered. “We should be okay.”

“Let’s head through there then. I’ll go first.”

“What about them?” the man asked, pointing at the other three people. Two of them were still barely waking up and the other one, a woman, looked like she was way too drunk.

“I can take the two sleepy heads there,” I said. “Roy, you can help these two?”

“Yeah,” he said.

“Fingers crossed people.”

Now, I’m not afraid to admit when certain things make me feel uneasy. A tight space is one of those things. The idea of being in a spot where I can’t move easily is very unsettling to me. Judge me. I know you’re going to. Just remember, though, I can beat the crap out of you. I’m just saying.

We crawled through the vent as quickly and quietly as we could. Luckily the vent headed in the opposite direction of the monsters and it didn’t go up or down. I had one of the people in front of me and I dragged the other person behind me. That was not an easy thing to do. Add that to my claustrophobia and it wasn’t a good mix.

“You hear that?” Roy asked me.

“No,” I replied.

“Me either.”

I realized his point. The monsters weren’t banging on the door anymore. That could mean two things: either they broke through—I didn’t hear that happen—and saw that we weren’t in there anymore or they heard us. Either way, it wasn’t good for us.

“We should start moving a little bit faster,” I suggested.

“We’re waiting on you,” Roy pointed out.

I did just that and moved as fast as I could. I still had to be careful because I didn’t want to break anyone as I moved.

Eventually we made it to the end of the vent and it led outside into the cold night. We all made it out and the two people that were unconscious were starting to wake up. I looked around, but there were no monsters.

“I think we’re in the clear,” I whispered.

“Don’t say that,” said Roy. “Never ever say that.”

He was right. That was such a rookie mistake. If you’ve ever seen a movie, whether it is a horror movie or not, then you know when someone says something like that they are definitely not “in the clear.” And we weren’t either.

All of the werewolves and vampires surrounded us. We were right back where we were when we were inside the warehouse.

The werewolf whose brother I killed was clapping as he walked toward me. I think it was him. They all look the same to me. I also think that calling it clapping is a stretch because it looked more like a dog when they stand on their hind legs and wave their front legs around.

“Bravo,” he said.

“Thank you, we’ll be here all night,” I said.

“I assure you, you won’t be.”

“Do you know how many of you I’ve killed?”

“Do you know how many of you I’ve killed?” he asked me right back.

I just nodded my head.

“I think I’ve had enough of you,” the oversized dog said.

“I don’t feel so good,” one of the abductees said.

I turned around and looked at him and he looked pale.

“Did we forget to do something?” I asked Roy.

“Yeah,” he said.

“How long were these people being held captive?”

“I’m not sure.”

The answer was too long. I had been so distracted that Roy knew Drake I forgot to inject them with my blood to cure them. That was really stupid…

Hairy and the Vampires: Part Eight

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Posted by on May 14, 2014 in Hairy and the Vampires


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Hairy and the Vampires Part Seven

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part FourPart FivePart Six, Part EightPart NinePart Ten

I couldn’t believe it. This guy knew Drake. He was trained by him. I never knew that Drake had trained a human to fight monsters. I wonder how many he did. To me that seemed reckless. No offense, but you guys are useless against some of the monsters out there.

“Drake?” I repeated.

“Yeah, Drake,” he confirmed. “You know him?”

I chuckled. “Yeah. I knew him.”

“Knew him?” I realized that he wouldn’t have known that he was dead. I wish I could have told him in better circumstances.

“Yeah. He, uh, he died.”

Roy just nodded his head. I know that it definitely hit him hard but he was doing a decent job of hiding it.

“What happened?” he asked me.

“Yetis and a witch,” I told him. “He saved my life.”

“That sounds like Drake.”

“When did you know him? How did you meet him?”

One of the people we were saving stood up. “Do you really think this is necessary right now? Something is trying to break through the door.” The monsters were still banging on the door and had even managed to put a dent into it.

We both looked at him for a second and then looked back at each other.

“I had a wife,” Roy told me. “One night she was sleeping and I was downstairs watching TV. I heard her scream. When I went up stairs I found her.” He stopped for a moment and took a deep breath. “My whole world was torn apart that night. A few months later I heard of the same story across the state. I went there to investigate. Let’s just say I wasn’t expecting to find a vampire waiting for me.

“Drake came in and saved me. He taught me about monsters and how to fight them. He gave a purpose to my life. About five or six years ago he sent me out on my own. He said he had someone else that he needed to help. I never saw him again.”

I could see the pain in his eyes. He obviously looked up to Drake, like I did, and it bothered him when he left. I felt a lump form in my throat. I was the reason that Drake left him.

“That was me,” I said.

“Huh?” he asked.

“I was the one he needed to help.” I told him the story of my life.

“I don’t know why I never talked to him again,” Roy said.

“I don’t know either,” I admitted. “I wonder why we never met?”

“I’m glad we did now.”

“Me too.”

We stayed silent for a second.

“Are you friggin kidding me?” the man standing next us yelled. “What is trying to break through that door?”

I turned to him. “Look. I know you’re scared. Anyone would be with vampires and werewolves trying to kill them.”

“Vampires? Werewolves?”

“Yeah. But I will keep you safe.” I turned to Roy. “We will keep you safe.”

Roy nodded his head.

“So, what do you think?” Roy asked me.

“I don’t think we really have much of a choice,” I pointed out.

“Okay. I open the door and we just start shooting.”

“Somewhat, yeah.”

“Alrighty then.”

Roy walked up to the door and took a deep breath.

“You ready?” he asked.



He counted to three and started to open the door…

Hairy and the Vampires: Part Seven

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Posted by on May 12, 2014 in Hairy and the Vampires


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Hairy and the Vampires Part Six

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part SevenPart EightPart NinePart Ten

The werewolf was falling at me like a giant ball of fur. A giant ball of fur that could tear me to pieces, that is. When he was just far enough away I took a quick hard swipe with one of my axes. He knocked it out of the way, of course, and that was what I was expecting. So, I did this cool move where I stuck my leg in the air and threw him off to the side. Not the easiest thing to do.

The werewolf flew off to the side and took out a bunch of monsters with it.

“Close your eyes,” I shouted to Roy.

“Why?” he asked.

Before they could recuperate and before the rest of them could attack us I let out a huge blast of light. Without waiting for a second I ran over to the abducted people and started cutting them loose. Luckily there were only four of them and two of them had started to wake up.

“Help these two,” I ordered Roy, who had followed right behind me. He did so without questioning me.

I grabbed the other two and tossed them both over my shoulders. Then we both started running as quickly as we could. The monsters had regained their wits and were running after us. They were fast, too, so we were going to have a hard time getting away from them.

“We can’t outrun them,” Roy yelled.

“I know,” I agreed.

“Then we can’t make it out of here like this.”

I could hear the werewolves and vampires gaining on us, but it didn’t sound like all of them were chasing us. That made me a little nervous.

I looked around for something to use, anything that could slow them down. There was a large machine—I had no idea what it was—that was hanging from the ceiling by a chain. I took out one of my Desert Eagles and, with the people on my shoulders, shot the chain. The machine fell, narrowly missing Roy and the other two. It hit the ground with a loud crash and the monsters stopped chasing long enough to put some distance between us. I think I might have even crushed one of them.

The relief I felt was short-lived, however, because the rest of the monsters that hadn’t been chasing us came around a corner in front of us and they looked hungry. I looked both ways and saw a doorway on our right. I quickly darted through there and Roy followed. It was a room with no other way out. Cut me some slack, I knew that going in there.

I put the two people down and ran back to the door. I slammed it shut just in time before a werewolf came in. The door was made of metal and was at least six inches thick. The lock wasn’t going to be strong enough to keep them out for sure.

“That won’t hold them out forever,” Roy pointed out.

“I know,” I said.

“Then what exactly do we plan to do?”

“Not really sure yet. But if we had kept running we would have been dead.”

“Okay, well, do you have any syringes?”

I looked at him for a second. I was very confused why he would ask me that.

“Why?” I asked him.

“So you can inject your blood into them,” he said.

“Why would I do that?”

“They’ve been bitten. You’re a paladin, aren’t you?”

I was a little shocked that he would know that but then again, he had been hunting monsters for a lot longer than I had.

“How did you know that?” I asked him.

“Other than the fact that you were stronger than me,” he started, “that flash of light was a dead giveaway.”

“How do you even know about paladins?”

The werewolves and vampires were banging on the door, hard. The two people that were awake started to look around.

“What’s going on?” one of them asked.

“I’ve been doing this for a long time,” he said, ignoring the man.

“Right,” I said.

“I was trained by a paladin. I spent over five years with him. He taught me how to hunt and find monsters, how to stay alive.”


“His name was Drake…”

Hairy and the Vampires: Part Six

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Posted by on May 9, 2014 in Hairy and the Vampires


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Hairy and the Vampires Part Five

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part SixPart SevenPart EightPart NinePart Ten

A deep rage started to build inside me but I did my best to hold it in. I wasn’t in a good position to start acting like an idiot. I wonder if he knew who I was and that I killed his brother.

“I wondered if I would ever see you again, Wes,” the werewolf said. That answers one out of two.

“How does he know you?” Roy asked.

“He killed my parents,” I told him plainly. “He’s one of the werewolves that killed them anyway.”


It never really occurred to me why he would have known my name. Maybe my parents said my name that night. Plus our mall box did say “Parker.” I highly doubt they were smart enough to make that deduction, though. They were there that night to kill me specifically. Not just because I was a paladin. It was because I’m me.

“I knew it was only a matter of time,” the werewolf continued. “I wish my brothers could be here to witness this.”

“Where are your brothers?” I asked him.

I needed an edge. I needed something to help me gain the upper hand and I think I might have just found it.

“I’ve seen too many movies to know not to tell you everything,” he said. “Even if I know you’re going to die.”

“Like you said,” I started, “I’m going to die. What’s the harm in telling me?”


“I don’t suppose one of them is in Louisiana by chance?”

The smile on his ugly-ass face completely evaporated.

“Oh haven’t you heard?” I asked him.

He took a step closer to me and let out a low growl.

“I ran into one of your brothers, Raymond,” I told him. “He wasn’t very welcoming when I walked into town. Actually, at first he was but then he turned into a real hound.”

“Raymond,” he growled.

“Yeah, Raymond. Anyway, I left that town and blew it sky high. I guess it wasn’t on the news or you don’t watch the news. Maybe both. I also know for a fact that it was covered up.”

The werewolf was getting angrier by the second.

“I bet you were wondering why he wasn’t calling you?” I teased.

“I’m going to tear you apart,” the werewolf threatened.

“Yeah,” I began, “that’s kind of what Ray said. That was before he was blown into a million pieces.”

“What are you doing?” Roy whispered.

“Relax. I know what I’m doing.”

The werewolf’s breaths were getting heavier as his chest started heaving in and out. He clenched his fist as much as he could. His claws kind of got in the way.

I looked around at the rest of the monsters and they all seemed pretty mad. Well, the werewolves did anyway. The vampires looked like they could have cared less.

“So, why don’t you just tell me where your last brother is so that once I am done with you I don’t have go looking for him?” I suggested.

The werewolf was very angry now. I was, too. This monster killed my parents. I was glad that I had killed Raymond and I was going to take every bit of pleasure killing this werewolf as well.

“I’m done talking,” I said. “Get over here and kiss my axe.” Do you see what I did there? Axe? Ass? Come on people.

The werewolf let out a loud, terrifying growl and leapt into the air, heading right for us. I looked to my right and there were monsters. I looked to my left and it was the same. Roy was behind me and there were more monsters in front of him. The people that were abducted had a bunch of vampires and werewolves surrounding them, too. This was not going to be easy…

Hairy and the Vampires: Part Five

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Posted by on May 8, 2014 in Hairy and the Vampires


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Hairy and the Vampires Part Four

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part FivePart SixPart SevenPart EightPart NinePart Ten

I had both axes in my hands and I was ready to fight. Roy had his sword along with a handgun. I didn’t take notice of what kind but it wasn’t as powerful as my Desert Eagles, obviously.

I wasn’t that worried about whether I was going to make it out alive because I always do. I might be in crap shape after or barely make it out of those situations but let’s face it: I’m still here. However, I was concerned about Roy and the abductees getting out unharmed.

The vampires and werewolves had us surrounded and I was quickly trying to devise a strategy to get out of there. They all ended up with every monster losing their head but how do I get from A to B?

One of the werewolves stepped forward and stood a few feet away from me. Roy was smart enough to have his back to me so that if any one of them tried to surprise attack us we would be ready.

“I thought I could smell you coming,” the werewolf said.

“You could distinguish between us and all of the other humans?” Roy asked from behind me. I knew what the werewolf meant and it wasn’t that.

“Why are you working with the vampires?” I asked, quickly changing the subject.

“There’s a storm coming,” the werewolf started.

“Nope! No.”


“Don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what?”

“Say ‘there’s a storm coming.’ First of all I know that. But secondly, and more importantly don’t say there is a storm coming. Are you serious? Did you search the Internet and look for the most cliché thing that you could say? I’m dealing with a bunch of amateurs.”

The werewolf stared at me and didn’t change his expression. Of course, to me, they always looked pissed off, like they were ready to eat anything that came in front of them.

“The monsters are gathering,” the werewolf continued, as if I hadn’t even spoken.

“I’ve never seen a werewolf and vampire together,” I pointed out.

“That doesn’t mean we are enemies. Should we not work together to accomplish our goal?”

“Are you really working together, though? It’s not like the vampires can exactly hold a conversation.”

The werewolf smiled. At least I think he smiled.

“They do what we tell them,” it said.

“Werewolves controlling vampires?” Roy asked. “What happened to the ‘hounds of hell’?”

The werewolf didn’t seem to like that comment.

“We’re not dogs!” it growled, loudly.

“Yikes,” said Roy. “Sorry.” I really did like him.

The werewolf regained his composure.

“The vampires are smart enough to see our wisdom,” said the werewolf.

“I bet,” I said.

“Soon the world will learn to fear us. It will see we are more than a figment of its imagination.”

Something about what he was saying sounded very familiar.

“I will rid the world of your kind once and for all,” the werewolf said to me.

It was very, very familiar.

“We are expanding our race,” it said. “The world will never see it coming.”

It clicked. I should have known the moment I saw the first werewolf. Well, actually I kind of figured I knew. This was one of the brothers of the werewolves that killed my parents. Jackpot…

Hairy and the Vampires: Part Four

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Posted by on May 5, 2014 in Hairy and the Vampires


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