18 Jul

Hairy Situation Part Six

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine, Part Ten, Part Eleven, Part Twelve, Part Thirteen, Part Fourteen

You know what Bigfoot always looks like? Tall, covered in hair and a less than pleasant face? Well, that is exactly what he looks like. That is of course assuming there is only one of them. I wasn’t sure how anyone could ever mistake that thing for a bear but peoples’ brains will tell them anything they want to help explain the trauma they experience.

I stood up and slowly backed away from the thing so that I could get my axes ready.

“Hey there big guy,” I said in a calm, comforting voice. “Maul any humans lately?”

He grunted ever so slightly.

“I was kind of hoping that you could talk but for the most part you monsters can’t,” I explained to him, as if he could understand what I was saying. “I hope you know that I won’t enjoy killing you.”

A low, long growl vibrated from his throated as air hissed out his nostrils.

“Okay, okay. You’re right. I will enjoy killing you.”

I’m more of a kill first ask questions later type so I didn’t waste any more time talking and attacked. I leapt forward and swung one of my axes right for the monster’s neck but all he had to do was put his arm up to block it and it felt like I was trying swing my arm through a tree. For a second I thought I might have broken my arm.

Giving that arm a rest I took my other axe in my other hand and spun as I tried to chop his head again—dumb move, I know—but he ducked out of the way. Then he grabbed me by the arms so that I couldn’t move them and lifted me up in the air, right up to his face. Our noses were practically touching.

“Look,” I began, “maybe I jumped to conclusions. Perhaps we can work something out?”

His answer was a roar so loud I was sure there wasn’t a person within ten miles that didn’t hear. His breath smelled like dead animal. I almost puked right on the spot.

“Dude, do you ever brush your teeth?” I asked him.

With what seemed like little effort he threw me into a tree. I recovered as quickly as I could and prepared myself for him to attack me but he didn’t. Instead he was walking away from me.

“Hey!” I shouted at him. “Where do you think you’re going?”

There were footsteps approaching me quickly from the right and I was expecting another Bigfoot, as if there were two, but when I turned I saw that it was Alex.

“Wait!” she yelled.

“I’ll yell at you later,” I told her as I pushed her to the side. “Right now we’re in danger. I have to kill this monster.”

She shouted something but I didn’t stick around to hear it.

I jumped as far as I could and landed right on the back of Bigfoot. I thought that he would fall down or at least stumble a little bit but he didn’t even move.

“Man,” I muttered. “It’s like trying to move a Redwood.”

Bigfoot reached behind his back, grabbing me by my jacket. He whipped me over his head and slammed me into the ground. I gasp as all of the air shot out of my lungs, making it impossible to breathe.

I tried to say something but it was just breathy sounds. I attempted to stand up but he kicked me right in the head and fell into darkness…

Hairy Situation: Part Six

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Posted by on July 18, 2015 in Hairy Situation


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