The thing was the size of a Saint Bernard, just like I thought it would be, with legs as long as my body. It was moving slowly towards me, probably thinking that it still had the jump on me. I couldn’t move, like my feet were frozen to the ground. I could even feel the icy chill running through my entire body.
There was hair all over the creature’s body and the front of it was covered with eyes that were staring into my soul. I wanted to poke out every single one of them. I was going to poke them all. That was if I could thaw the fake ice that encased me.
Slowly and carefully I reached for my axes, trying desperately not to spook the thing. I never took my eyes off of it while I stretched my arms out a little bit so I was ready when the thing jumped at me. And it was definitely going to attack me at any second.
“You’re one ugly mother,” I breathed. You Arnold fans should get that one. I left one word out, though.
The spider dropped from the tree and plummeted towards me as fast as gravity would allow, which is way too fast. I jumped backward into a flip and kicked the thing on the way. I hit it right in the face and it fell to the ground but it was quick to recover. Before I could even prepare myself it jumped at me with lightning fast speed. It hit me and pinned me to ground.
I don’t like to admit what happened next but I squealed. I squealed like a twelve year-old girl and had to do everything I could to not throw up. I gained my dignity back, though.
With all my strength I kicked the spider off of me. It went straight up into the air and as it came back down I swung my axe in my right hand upward and cut the thing in half. Blood splattered everywhere, including all over me. That was it. That was enough to make me spill my lunch all over the ground. I wasn’t proud of it but spiders are just incredibly awful.
I looked up at Roy, with puke hanging off my bottom lip. “That was surprisingly easy,” I said.
“Really?” he said with a disgusted look on his face. “That was pathetic.”
“I didn’t see you doing anything.”
“Did you see how fast that thing moved?”
“Now who’s pathetic?”
“I’m not a paladin.”
“No you’re not.”
I looked over the spider with a little bit of relief knowing that it was dead. I thought they looked horrible on the outside but the inside was way worse.
“Is that it then?” Roy asked hopefully.
“Maybe,” I said.
“We should bury or burn this thing. We don’t want someone stumbling onto it.”
“You act like this is my first time doing this.”
“If the shoe fits.”
“Just grab that half.” I point at the side closer to him.
“I’m not touching that thing.”
“Are you serious? Grab it.”
“Hey you’re the paladin. I’m just a simple human.”
I walked toward the spider, despite my instincts screaming at me, but stopped when I was halfway there. There was a sound in the distance but I couldn’t see what was making it.
“You hear that?” I asked Roy.
“Yeah,” he replied.
There they were. They were hundreds of yards away but they were moving fast. There was dozens of them…