The Elves were slowly walking towards me. They were getting close and my options of getting away were very limited. Fighting an elf is tough, considering they can do magic. No matter how small and physically weak they may be they were incredibly hard to fight, and given the fact that there was a whole bunch of them it was pretty safe to say I was in trouble.
The first bunch was within a few feet from me and it was seconds before they were going to attack me.
“Beans,” said one.
“Beans,” two agreed.
That’s right! I had a full pot of beans sitting on a fire right next to me. I kicked the pot over sending the beans everywhere. I had never seen anything move so fast in my entire life. All of the elves jumped on the beans like their lives depended on it, every single one of them.
I jumped out of the way and started running. I didn’t stand much of a chance against more than 40 elves. Running as fast as I could, I headed back to my car so I might be able to get away from them. It was a short-lived hope, though, because I hadn’t really made enough beans for all the elves and that meant they were going to be angry as well.
Within 20 seconds the first elf had reached me. Actually it was the giant wrecking ball that reached me. I know. It’s strange to have a random wrecking ball in the middle of the woods. That’s the power of magic. God, that was lame.
I flew through the air and hit softly against a tree, and then fell carelessly to the ground. Just kidding. The impact was so hard that my body broke right through the tree. It didn’t feel very pleasant.
As I tried to stand up a bull was running at me. It lowered its head, took my legs out, and sent me flipping over the giant beast. I rolled off its back and fell to the ground. When I looked back up it was already gone. I was annoyed.
From there it was hit after hit of something completely ridiculous, like a snowman attacked me or a giant fist made out of ice knocked me right off my feet. I couldn’t even get a hit in.
Eventually they stopped using things to attack me and started hitting me themselves. Like I said before, they used magic so each hit made me think I was fighting a troll, but with them coming into my reach I was finally able to make a stand.
One of the elves was flying through the air at me with their arm held back, ready to drill it into my face. Once it was within two feet of me I sidestepped and ducked so it passed right by. When it reached the perfect position I brought my axe in an arc over my head and chopped its head right off. It fell to the ground and orange blood spilled onto the snow.
No. Stop it. Do not feel bad for these things. Yes, they look like something from the North Pole and when they talk it sounds cutesy but they are monsters and they eat people. So if I don’t kill them you better believe that they will kill you. So you can shove your morals where the sun don’t shine.
All of the elves stopped running around and looked at me in awe. I don’t know why they were so surprised but when I thought about it the last time I faced the elves here they got away and I didn’t kill any of them. They probably weren’t used to being killed. In fact I’ve only ever ran into elves that time and another time with Drake—my mentor and trainer—and I’m pretty sure they got away that time, too. I was knocked unconscious and Drake seemed pretty mad about how it all went down.
I looked around at all the elves and they seemed like they didn’t know what to do.
“He killed us,” one of them said. I realized the one whose head I just chopped off was number three.
“How?” said another.
“What do we do?”
Poof. They were all gone. Sometimes I wish I could do that and just get away but I was left with doing it the normal way. I had to walk or run away, or drive.
I waited around for five minutes in case the things returned but apparently I had scared them enough that they weren’t coming back. It was doubtful that they had left for good but at least I gave myself some breathing room.
When I got back to my car I decided that I had to get to the girl and warn her about what was coming. I don’t think it was going to be easy to stop all of these elves from taking her considering I was barely able to get away by myself. That’s when it occurred to me: five elves eat one person. How many would over 40 of them need to eat? Gulp…